There is something in the way that many of us approach life where we feel it is important to do it all. We have to be a mother, a loving wife, successful in business, a sex goddess, and mentally stable. We give so much of ourselves to others that we often forget to leave something for ourselves. And when the pressures of life become too much, multiple things from that list go out the window.
Our friends might see the disaster coming and tell us that we need to slow down. Yet, there is something in our psyches pushing us to keep going. We have to be Wonder Woman—until we can't function anymore and we break down.
Numerous times in recent years, I have been forced to face this very situation. There are things that I want to achieve, and I know what it will take to get there. But there are only so many hours in the day and sleep is a necessity—unfortunately. So, other things get neglected, and the question of my mental stability is often left on the table for discussion.
I know I'm not alone in this struggle. When I have a conversation with others about time management, common threads seem to surface. It doesn't matter if you're a woman or not. It doesn't matter if your writer or not. Finding the balance between what you do and who you are is a struggle for everyone.
If you look back through the archives of this blog, you will notice a few common themes that frequently come up:
- know what you want to achieve, using that knowledge to help you determine the steps that you need to take;
- every writer is different, so not all advice will work for everyone;
- it's okay to restrict your activities (don't let anyone guilt you into doing something you don't want to do);
- and nothing is cast in stone (the decisions you make for today can be changed if need be tomorrow).
There is no one-size-fits-all solution to writing success. Each of us is different.
"The Writer In You" Project
Many years ago, I recognized that many writers were taking steps in their writing careers with no clue what it was they really wanted to achieve. Someone told them that a particular activity was a good idea, whatever that idea was, and when things didn't work out, the writer in question would become discouraged about the path that lay ahead of them.
I knew from my own experiences that if you formed a picture in your head of where you wanted to go, you were able to decide on the steps that were right for you, providing you with a compass that would hold you steady to your course. When the naysayers keep knocking, you could combat the self-doubt monster—and win.
Back in 2018, The Writer in You project was born. That first iteration was a giant workbook with a series of open-ended questions. While useful, it was still a little unfocused.
In 2019, I started revising The Writer In You workbook to take on new philosophies about healthy, sustainable routines. Many writers around me were pushing themselves to the point of breaking, struggling to find the work/life balance between their writing careers and their family lives.
But the world changed in an instant in 2020. I, like so many others, was forced to slow down and decide what was important. When normal life kicked back into gear, I had to decide what I wanted the new normal to look like, letting go of the things that were dragging me down.
My own self-reflection journey
For years, my friends had been telling me that I was doing too much. And while devising materials for The Writer in You project, it hit like a sack of potatoes, hitting me in the gut. I couldn't see it before, but I definitely can see it now.
There were only so many hours of the day, and I was trying to fill every single one of them with things that would help further my career, forgetting the moments that are necessary to recharge the energy well. When I took the time to map out everything I did on a weekly and daily basis, I was shocked to discover how much of my time was taken up by minor activities connected with social media, marketing, and providing mentoring through unpaid channels.
When I reported to my friends that certain activities were going to disappear, they all cheered and smiled. "I was wondering how long it would take you to come to that decision."
I had finally heard the message that my friends had been trying to tell me for years.
Changes you may have noticed with my online presence during the past year
If you have been a fan of my work, you will have noticed that I have pulled back from various different social media sites, and I no longer blog as often as I used to or post to various social media channels as much as I used to. I did enjoy these activities, but they took up so much of my time.
Going forward, I won't be disappearing, definitely not, but my activities will become more strategic.
I will be aiming to go back to publishing a blog post on the Black Wolf Editor's Blog once a month, nominally on the Friday in the week after the monthly newsletter goes out. I write these blog posts because I love sharing my knowledge with my readers. It's part of my driving force, keeping me focused on what is important to me and why I started professionally editing in the first place.
On the personal channels, I'm intending to forge some sort of sustainable practice, with regular new posts and content. But the exact frequency is something that I still trying to figure out.
But I know I'm not alone in needing to forge sustainable routines.
My challenge to you
My challenge to you, dear reader, is to take a good look at your own weekly and daily routines. How much of your day is taken up by things that carry little weight on where you ultimately want to be?
Exercise: Describe your average week.
Using the downloadable worksheet, make notes about your average schedule for the week. Include your work schedule, along with any standing appointments that you might have, e.g., mom's taxi. If there are other regular appointments that occur on a biweekly or monthly basis, include those too. Include things like the grocery shopping if you were the one responsible for that. Take a good look at everything you do within your standard week.
This exercise is about understanding what commitments you have on a weekly basis that must be accounted for that we often forget to incorporate into our writing schedules.
Exercise: Describe your typical day.
Using the downloadable worksheet, describe your typical day from the moment you get up to the time you go to bed. Include notes about mealtimes, fitness routines, personal hygiene, and the all-important sleep. Include leisure activities. If you have pets, include them too. Remember to include your work hours if you have a day job.
Take the time to look at everything that you do with in a single day and remind yourself that there are only so many hours in the day.
Exercise: Assess your activities.
Take a good look at your weekly and daily schedules. You have things that you want to achieve and you need time to do that. But in your schedules, only so much time will have been afforded to the things that you want to achieve.
Be critical with yourself and ask yourself if you are being overly ambitious based on the amount of time you have.
Exercise: Little changes
Choose one or two things within your normal schedules that you would like to change. Who do you need to talk to to make those changes happen?
Making changes within your routines needs to be a carefully cultivated process. If you make abrupt changes, not only will your subconscious likely rebel, but the people around you might also resist the change. If there are changes that you want to happen, enlist the help of your family and friends so the transitions to new routines runs more smoothly. And if you have to, take a couple of items off the list, tabling those activities for a later date.