Every writer encounters at least one naysayer, even in the early stages of their writing careers. You know the ones I'm talking about. They're the people who say things that make you feel bad about your choices, or they hinder your ability to make progress, they shake your confidence, or zap you of energy.
They come in all different shapes and size. And some of them are stealthy in their actions, not even realizing what they're doing and the negative impact that they have over your writing.
But there are strategies for dealing with the naysayers, so you can make progress towards your hopes and dreams. It all comes down to mindset.
In today's post, I want to share with you some of my personal experiences with the different naysayers and how I deal with them.
The person who thinks being a writer is a hobby
"Being a writer isn't a real job. It's not like you'll ever make any money."
And out come my eyes of daggers as I take mental notes of their physical features. I want to get the details right as I kill them on paper. At least that's what I used to do. (It does help that I write crime fiction.)
This kind of naysayer tends to the family and friends (or friends of friends) who don't really know you as well as you would think they should. So, they say underhanded comments about how you need to get a real job that pays the bills. They don't understand when you don't have time to go out and party because you need to get some writing done. They don't view writing as important and they never will.
Yeah, I can think of a few people who have tried to make me feel crap about being a writer and editor, because I'm not rolling in the fortunes and instead am reliant on my husband's income to live. Ironically, none of them have had the guts to actually say anything to my face. Which I suppose is a good thing, because I don't think I would have held back. There is a reason why my mother used to call me her little bulldozer. But I can still see the undertones sitting there.
With these people, you have two choices:
- Let their underhanded tactics get to you and quit writing.
- Kill them on paper and own it!
I think you can guess which tactic I take.
Today, it's only the worst of the worst that actually die on paper, but the external attitude is still there.
If you exude confidence, people won't want to piss you off for fear of what might happen. But these people who don't think writing is a real job can sometimes turn into one of those from the next category.
The person who disrespects your writing time
These are the people who seem to go out of their way to interrupt you when you're right in the middle of writing that perfect scene.
You have the friends who like dropping by unannounced and expect you to drop everything to entertain them. Who cares if you have a pressing deadline coming up?
Or you have the friend who is constantly on the phone and just won't leave you alone with your own thoughts long enough to string a coherent sentence together.
And there's the child who wants you to play that board game with them right this second.
If you have the habit of putting all of your family obligations, household chores, and everything else before your writing, then you are sending out the message that it's okay to interrupt you all the time. Everyone else will put writing at the bottom of that priority list, too. But the ones who really care about you and want you to succeed as a writer will be willing to work with you.
So, the first step in dealing with the person who interrupts you all the time is to respect your writing time yourself.
If you make your writing a priority, then eventually others around you will see how important it is to you, and they will respect that.
The person who belittles your choice of genre
Romance writers seem to encounter this more often than any other genre—probably because of all the negative stigma attached to the genre.
It's mommy porn, bodice ripper stories, smut, or one of those. Yet, the romance writers I know are incredibly business savvy and are able to churn it out at rates that I can only imagine. They know what they're doing!
But I too have encountered the negative statements about my genre.
I write crime fiction and thrillers. I write about death and violence. And the more violent, the more giddy I seem to get. But there are some people out there who strongly believe that we should only be writing about rainbow and fluffy bunnies. "Nothing that could possibly show the negative side of society."
I have actually had a woman (a fellow writer) try to tell me that it was irresponsible of me to write stories in which people kill other people. I will grant you that the conversation had taken place shortly after the shootings in Christchurch, New Zealand (March 2019). No doubt the woman was still trying to process what had happened: How could a terrorist be let loose on an innocent population in a country such as New Zealand? But this woman tried to convince me that it was my fault a lunatic decided to shoot up a couple of mosques in the city.
"How would you feel if someone decided to take the story you have written and act it out in real life, killing people?"
My response: "I'd be flattered. Granted, it's a twisted form of flattery, but it's still a form of flattery nonetheless."
I don't think she liked that response, but I did go on, refusing to entertain her ideas.
"I'm okay with the stories that I put out there. I can only take responsibility for my actions. I cannot be responsible for anyone else."
Shortly after that, she conveniently needed to go to the toilet, but when she came back, she sat as far away from me as possible—right down at the other end of the table. And when the woman who was sitting across the table from me noticed that the die-hard hippy hadn't returned, she said, "Oh, thank cripes for that," then proceeded to tell me a bit more about how the woman who was all "happy thoughts only" had been such a pain-in-the-ass when it came to planning the writer event we were enjoying.
Well, I was known for turning naysayers of the first variety (the one to think writing is not a real job) into dead bodies in my manuscripts. Now, I'm known for turning anyone who irritates me in the extreme into dead bodies. My writing friends even come to me for ideas on how to kill off the people that irritate them. (I know of a few locations where we can dump the bodies, and I have access to the keys. Only saying…)
And that woman from that conversation about negativity and how it all has to be rainbows and fluffy bunnies… She's a dead body in one of my other manuscripts. I have yet to finish writing that manuscript, but writing her death scene was deliciously fun.
Yeah, I might have an issue here.
The only way to combat against people who belittle the genre you write is to take ownership of what you write. Be proud of it.
Accept it now: not everyone is going to like what you write, but as long as you take joy from it, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
The person who belittles your publication path choice
Perhaps I'm more sensitive to this type of naysayer than others are, but my entire writing career has been surrounded by those who are self-publishing.
I have written about this particular type of naysayer before on my personal blog, commenting on how the attitudes towards traditional publication have flipped over recent years. Once upon a time, you had writers looking down their noses at those who were self-publishing, believing that you couldn't be a real writer if you couldn't get a traditional publication contract. But I know of a lot of writers who don't want that traditional publication contract. For some of them, it's about control—they want complete control over their final product. And there are some who are disillusioned with how negative the traditional publication market has become.
But somewhere along the line, a few of the self-published writers started to develop this holier-than-thou attitude, looking down their noses at those seeking traditional publication.
The road towards publication is a personal choice. Everyone has their own desires and their own dreams. No one has the right to take that away from you. So, when I encounter self-published writers who look down their noses at me because of my choice to head down the traditional road, I feel sorry for them.
I used to try to explain why I have chosen the path I have, but I know that it's a waste of time. Now, I just smile sweetly and remind them that they have made their choices for their own reasons—and my choices are my own.
The only way to successfully combat against this type of naysayer is to do your homework regarding the different paths of publication. Weigh up the pros and cons of the different paths, making the decision for yourself which path is better for you.
You have to define your own measure of success, because no one else can do that for you.
(Addendum: In July 2024, I announced publicly that I'm no longer heading down the traditional publication path, but am self-publishing myself. This was not an easy decision, but it was one based on the current state of the publishing landscape. The decision was made with knowledge and understanding.)
The person who wants to know how much money you make
This is an interesting naysayer variant, because it depends on the context of the conversation.
If I'm having a conversation with a newer writer, one who is still trying to understand the business, then a generalized answer to this money question will be enough to satisfy them. They're after information about potential income, not the specifics of my experiences.
If the conversation is with a writer who is a bit more advanced, then the conversation is not about money in general. The conversation is really about understanding sales and marketing. And hence the writer would never ask about money specifically, but rather focus on the questions about sales and unit records. They might ask how long it took for you to earn out an advance or they may ask about how the sales are going in general—whether you're seeing an increase because of certain events that are happening on a global scale. Or it may be about their experiences associated with certain forms of advertising, such as Facebook ads.
I have yet to have the conversation about money specifically in a derogatory way, but I'm confident that if I ever encounter the situation, it will really be an extension of the first type of naysayer (the ones who don't see writing as a real job). And my tactic for dealing with that type of person will probably be the same: write their death scene.
"I've always wanted to write a book."
When I'm at a social gathering where I meet strangers and have the conversation about what it is I do for a job, there's always at least one who will respond to the fact that I'm a writer and editor with the comment of "I've always wanted to write a book."
To this I only have one response: "Then why don't you?"
Depending on how receptive they are to the idea, how genuine they are with their comment of wanting to write a book, I'll either walk away from the conversation gaining a new writing buddy (one who quickly realizes that I will be their biggest cheerleader as they start down the journey of becoming a writer), or it's a conversation that falls flat because I quickly discover that they were just humoring me, putting them into that first category of naysayer (the ones who think that writing isn't a real job).
My writing buddies have always been amazed by how I can convince people to give writing a go. I am quick to remind everyone that you only have to make yourself happy with what you write. You don't have to publish to be a writer. As long as writing brings you joy, that's all that matters.
The person who wants you to read/edit/launch their first book for free
I have only met a handful of people who fall into this category. I'm not sure if this is because of the circles that I tend to move around in, or maybe it's because the conversations that I have with other writers are open and a free passage of knowledge. I don't hide the fact that I'm an editor, and I make it perfectly clear that I'm busy. But when in casual settings (or at writing groups), I take the time to listen to a writer's problems and give my input. I share my knowledge and experience freely.
Or maybe it's because I structure my weeks in such a way that I have a social writing group, where we can pass ideas around and get instantaneous feedback when we need it.
Whenever I've been asked to read over or to edit something without getting something in return, I kindly say that I'm busy and paid clients have to come first. They quickly get the hint.
As I continue to position myself into a teaching and mentoring role, I can foresee more and more people approaching me to seek my input for free, but I'm also getting really good at being protective of my time.
For me, it's about making sure that I myself value my time and my knowledge. If I value it, then others will value it too.
I'm sure there are other forms of naysayers out there, too. Regardless of the type of naysayer you encounter, there is only one way to confront them.
Value yourself, your knowledge, and experiences. Respect your own writing time and take ownership of what you write. Be proud of what you have achieved and where you've come from.
If you think positively about yourself and your writing career, then the others around you will start to see that you mean business, and they will give you the respect that you deserve.