Every writer needs to learn to say “No”

On discussion panels for writers, there is always this one question that seems to come up: "If there was one bit of advice that you would give to new writers, what would that be?"

Most of the time, you hear advice about not giving up and persevering until the bitter end. But there is something that I've learned that seems to have stronger importance in the publishing industry than anything else.

Writers need to learn to say "No."

We're people pleasers.

As a society, we're a bunch of people pleasers, struggling to say "No." It's odd when you think about it, because the first word that many children learn to say is "No." But somewhere along the line, we are taught that saying "No" all the time is rude and unacceptable. So, we start to say "Yes" to everything, much to our detriment.

But if there is one thing that I've learned in my 10+ years of trying to break into the publishing industry, it's that we need to learn to say "No" just to survive.

Saying "No" is hard, but we have to do it to protect our careers.

The publishing industry is geared up with so many trials and hurdles. By the time we get anywhere that might resemble a finish line, we happily accept the bone we were tossed, not realizing that it was someone's offcut. And the moment we try to fight back, to actually get some of the meat, we're looked down on as being ungrateful. But asserting ourselves to protect our creative endeavors is not being ungrateful. It's being smart.

Let me give you a few examples of how the publishing industry seems to be geared towards people pleasing.

The editor might insist on changes that deviate from the vision.

An editor at a publishing house might insist that we make certain changes to our manuscript. The suggested change might actually make the manuscript stronger, but I've seen how editors' suggestions can make a writer crumble into despair.

One writing buddy struggled in a big way to shift her manuscript from third-person and into first-person, knowing that the voice wasn't working. When I suggested that perhaps the editor's suggestion about being in first-person was actually about depth of perception, suddenly the writing friend saw the path forward. She shifted everything back into third-person and off she went.

And I watched one writer work their ass off for a year, making change after change to their manuscript—because that was what the agent wanted. But the manuscript never went out on submission, because the agent was never happy with the story, and the book was no longer the story that the writer wanted to tell. In the end, that writer parted ways with their agent.

Within my work as an editor, I am always telling my clients that I make suggestions based on how I see things working, but the story isn't mine to tell. The only one who can make the decision about the correctness of an idea is the writer. The writer needs to feel empowered to say, "No, I'm not going to make that particular change. But I can see the issue you're highlighting. So, I'll make this change instead."

The publisher is working in their favor, not the writer's.

A publishing house is running a business. The people involved might love books, but it all comes down to money and how they can exploit a writer's manuscript to their advantage. As such, the publisher will want us to sign contracts that grant them certain rights, but…

Maybe there is a clause in that contract that is worded in a way that makes you very uneasy. The wording might be in such that you're signing away the rights to our book and you might never get them back.

I've seen it happen. A local writer signed the contract without fully understanding what they were signing. The publishing house folded, but because of the way the contract was worded, the people that ran that publishing house still had exclusive rights to that manuscript. The rights for publication never reverted back to the writer. As a consequence, the writer lost the rights to their own story, and they will never be able to publish it.

When it comes to contracts, a writer needs to be confident enough to say, "No, I'm not signing that until that clause is changed." And the writer needs to feel confident enough to just walk away from any publishing deal that will ultimately do them more harm than good.

The publicist or marketing specialists who doesn't understand that your time is limited.

This one is a little closer to home than I would like. The expectations on writers to build an online presence can drive anyone to the brink of insanity. And because of how transient the internet world is, things are constantly changing.

As such, a publicist (or marketing specialist) might insist that we go on this social media site… and that one… and that one...

"No, I'm not signing up for an insane number of social media accounts. Sorry, not happening. And no, I'm not comfortable with you posting whatever you want to my accounts on my behalf. I have to protect my brand."

But it's not just industry professionals that we need to learn to say "No" to.

The friend who falsely believes that because you're home, you must not be busy.

I've heard stories of writers who have to constantly tell their friends and family that they have looming deadlines and that they need to write. "I'm sorry, I can't spend time with you now, because I have deadlines to meet." And some people get a little testy.

The horror stories often revolve around the in-person interactions, but this type of thing also happens in the online world too. I've been there. I've had to face it myself. And trust me, telling a person "No" who is really good at manipulating you into saying "Yes"—in part because you're trying to avoid a confrontation—is bloody hard. But we still have to do it.

If we allow that friend or family member to encroach on our precious writing time just once, they will keep doing, until you have no writing time left. (Again, I've been there. Done that. And it was bloody hard to reestablish those boundaries.)

There are so many instances where we need to just say "No" for the sake of our mental sanity, our productivity, our reputations, and our writing careers.

Every writer needs to learn to say "No."

And for those who really struggle to just say "No," try the following: "I'm exercising my right to say no."